So wanted to give a small update regarding this so that those who want to try what I'm doing don't end up wasting the same time and effort I have. Apparently the reason my controller configurations for my test emulator, the n64 one, didn't work is because I was using the wrong emulator for that one system. Which, yes, is also the default emulator and no, was not really obvious even after studying the docs and other resources for close to two weeks now. No, you first have to manually click a before the emulator boots up (also after selecting a game) and choose a different default emulator, the lr-mupen64plus. Then retroarch will work properly. Only two real problems though: the games look like arse when compared to every other option and the volume becomes so low you'll need to raise it up quite a deal just to hear it. This is true even if you have an external two-speaker and bass boost setup like I've got. And before anyone suggests otherwise yes, I have tried all seven possible emulator options. I did so after reinstalling a freshly downloaded copy of retro-pie on my sd card. The only one retroarch registers is the one with the worst possible graphical and audio fidelity. And for those wondering I have a raspberry pi 3 m so it is the top of the line model. Soon as I figure out how to get this thing to work like I want it to I'll post another update.