i redid the connection via the retropie bluetooth gui and now it stays connected.
But....
I put in a second controller and RetroPie sees both of them and both are connected (but both have the led light as player 1 controller). I can control the EmulationStation with either controller, but when i go into a game like Galaga or Phoenix within MAME both players have to use the same controller. Is there a way to have one set as one player and the other as 2 player?